The drugs are messing with my head. I have spent whole days just sitting and watching vapid daytime television programs with no sense of how much time has really gone by, wasted. It's difficult to string thoughts together and my words get jumbled up and jambed like logs on a river. It's no longer strictly necessary for me to be on pain meds, so I have dropped them when not necessary. I have had to add in an antibiotic due to cellulitis in my left frankenboob and a new deadhesion in my right. I still take the laxative made necessary by the pain meds along with a stool softener and magnesium because things are not rolling quite the way they should be. I take meds for the swelling which is still a problem, and a muscle relaxer because that's the only way my expanders are bearable.
These drugs have made my mind foggy and dull and I can't wait to be rid of all of them. I want to drive my car to the barn, say hi to my friends and spend time forking up horse poo and untangling tails. I want to visit my horse and hear her nicker hello. I want to wrap my arms around her neck and breathe in her sweaty smells. I am far from riding, but a visit would be enough for now. My barrier is the fog and my weak, unsteady constitution.
I have been told that things get better from here, and I am looking forward to that more than I can express. In the future I will appreciate all of my days in the sun.
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