I sleep alot. Not the exhausted, gotta sleep sleep but the sullen, disinterested sleep interrupted by self incrimination and wish-I-hads. I was advised that this fatigue is a common side effect of Tamoxifen, but it is more than that.
When my anxiety became uncontrollable by other methods, my DOnc doubled down on my antidepressants. I would never do this under normal circumstances because the absence of my ups and downs really kills my creative nature, and I don't know how to engage with the world except through my creativity. I am really dulled by this and kick around the house seeing everything that needs doing and doing none of it, not because I'm depressed (though technically I am) but because I am uninspired by it.
I think alot about this blog and begin my process of writing only to be frustrated by my lack of vision followed by abandoning the task.
Lately though, I have started to feel a little better. The soupy miasma has lifted somewhat and I can peek under it's door. I am getting little shocks of animus, my sense of humor is returning, I have moments of unexpected efficiency. My motor is restarting.
Thanks to everyone who has commented, you helped bring me back.