Day Seven Regaining Control

It felt great to go back to the gym today.  There is something so centering about pain and concentrated effort.  My head is not in the game yet and my hip is still gimpy but I completed the workout.  Hell, I'm just proud of myself for being there, you see Insomnia has been my lover for the past week.  We wrestle each other all night, he can't get enough of me.  He is not a generous lover, taking what he wants and leaving me exhausted.  Bastard.  Getting out of bed at 5:00a.m. is really very hard.  I have to go though.  This is a necessity in my New Normal.

Today I had my MRI to see if my infiltrating cancer has spread past the locations that we initially found.  Thankfully it has not.  My lymph nodes are clear.  Maybe I will sleep tonight.

We have time to think.  Not a lot of time, but some.  Maybe enough to make the right decisions.  I have been feeling out of control lately.  My husband's uncle, a gynecologist in South Carolina, has told us to take a breath and get an education.  I am taking his advice to heart.  It does not suit me at all to feel out of control in this situation.  I am in the saddle after a bad jump, my boots have fallen from the stirrups and my reins have slipped from my hands.  The next jump is just ahead and the horse is still running.  I have to sit deep in the saddle, center myself, regain contact with my horse by calmly gathering my reins.  That is all I can do before this next jump, after that maybe I can search for my stirrups. 

Prioritize, be systematic, know my options, hang on baby cause this next jump is going to be a doozy.

My husband's other uncle has made arrangements for us to consult the best breast cancer physician in the country.  We will call tomorrow and make plans to fly to Houston.

Our cousin in Birmingham does Diep Flap reconstruction.  We will speak to him about doing the surgery up there.

We will speak to a local breast surgeon here and see what he has to say.

I will shore up my ever expanding support group.  I wish I had the energy to write about it today, but I can't do it justice.  Definitely tomorrow.

Things are coming together, not coming apart.