A year in my life, from the day I was diagnosed and for the full year after. Walk with me.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Day 13 So Says The Surgeon - part I

Invasive lobular carcinoma
   Nottingham grade: 2
   Lymphatic vascular invasion: Absent
LCIS component: Present, moderate
ER: 92
PR: 95
Her2/neu: 1+

There's good news in there.  See the ER and PR?  Those are the measurements for Estrogen and Progesterone receptivity and they are very high.  High enough that this surgeon thinks I may dodge the chemotherapy bullet and instead go the Tamoxophin all the way...that's if the margins are clean and the sentinal node biopsy is clear. 

More I think than the mastectomy (which I dread), I am fearful of the lingering sickness of chemo and the stress that would place on everyone INCLUDING me.  I do not enjoy being sick.  Lest you think that's an overly obvious statement, let me say I know people who relish being sick.  Being cared for and maybe pitied satisfies many of their needs.  I am the opposite and probably equally twisted.

I have a pathological need to be independent.  My husband loves doing things for me, but I have to will myself to let him.  Being dependent, even on my most trusted partner, feels dangerous to me.  I would do almost anything not to be sick.  My recovery is going to require me to change big time.

The surgeon told me that I had to option to do a single mastectomy and that he recommends this.  I see this as a typical Male response.  The fact is, this type of carcinoma is known to reappear in the opposite breast in later years.  Not a 100% chance by any means, but you have to keep a close watch on it.  Who out there would willingly go this route again and, in the meantime, have to look at their remaining breast as a potential assassin?  That's bullshit if you will forgive my barn talk.  Plus, having two breasts that are different densities might unbalance me in the saddle, not to mention that one would age and the other would stay the same.  Take them now, rebuild me, let me proceed balanced and perky.

I will have my second opinion Monday in Birmingham.  This time with a female breast surgeon...let's see what SHE says.


the sebaceous funk said...

Hey my super hero, I was busy at the convention but I was still paying attention and thinking of you.

zenmama said...

I love you Funk and I am so proud too. It's fine just knowing you are there.

Darwin said...

I'm zen with your mantra, sistah -- lop them both off and be done with it. No more stress, and get thee to the plastic surgeon. Tattooed nipples are very hot right now :)

zenmama said...

The question of the day: Do the tattoos have to be nipples? Can they be: eyes that follow you around the room, smiley faces, "hot" and "cold" spigots, an angel and devil, vhf/uhf dials?

What do you think?