A year in my life, from the day I was diagnosed and for the full year after. Walk with me.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Day 15 The Fog

When normality settles around you it's very much like fog.  You have trouble seeing at a distance,and your senses are muffled to what is immediately outside of your sight.  It makes the reality of the world less real, you are fooled for a short time.  Blinded sailors find themselves impaled on rocks, pilots descend when they should pull up.

Normality is not my friend.  It fools me into thinking that I'm OK and have nothing to worry about.  The fog clears and I have to readjust to my reality and it's such a harsh blow.  I go from normal to devastated and back to normal again. 

My new friend sent me a journal entry about a mammogram that she had.  Happily it was normal but, while she waited for her results she had a glimpse into what might be.  She looked deeply into the unity she shared with her breasts.  Their role in nurturing, alluring, and loving; the feelings that they absorbed and evoked.  This was a nakedly honest moment and I am glad she wrote it down and shared it with me.  Her writing moved me to tears.

My new normal will be breasts without sensation, they will never be alive with feeling and there is so much feeling in a woman's breasts.  We rarely think about it but, when the fog lifts I do.


Darwin said...

Okay, but look at it this way. Here are several reasons I've come up with substantiating why new breasts are great to get.

1. Everyone will want to play with your new boobs. Not in a circus freak way, or with any sexual deviations, but out of curiosity and admiration.

2. You can now go topless in a neighbor's hot tub. Don't even ask. Just jump in there like you own it.

3. Remember breast feeding. No more of that weird pulling sensation, or biting when the tooth came in....(like I would know anything about this, me with NO children)

4. My friend Mary has a bra with boobs in it already. She puts it on when she feels like it, and goes flat the rest of the time. Her scars are hardly noticeable, and she wears them like the fine warrior she is.

5. Fake boobs are cool when you get them as replacement parts, rather than from self-promoting vanity.

6. Think of all those beautiful bras you can put them in, and make sure that cleavage makes people stare there, instead of in your eyes. Take pictures of them looking at your new boobs. Make a YouTube video.

Okay, there's a half a dozen reasons ... I'll think of more.

zenmama said...

Boobs are like family, sometimes you like the ones you choose over the one's you're born with...That's my new toast, how do you like it?

Darwin said...

You are a genius. Never doubted it, but your new toast confirmed the obvious. Now, can I trade my boobs for a new family?